we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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