im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
