i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
