Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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