i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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