What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
