i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
