Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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