Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
