The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
