he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
