kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
