there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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