Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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