Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why do cheetos always look like penises
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
