The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think your dad took our porno
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
