Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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