i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i out mim tonsoeep
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