My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.