Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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  (202): I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants. (202): ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up. http://tfl.nu/3a4d
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (991)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

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  (913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you. http://tfl.nu/mcnp
  Replies (69) Good night (2248) Bad night (11618)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.

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  (902): Her vagina smelled like hockey gear. http://tfl.nu/kiqt
  Replies (39) Good night (716) Bad night (7029)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.

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  (919): She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat. http://tfl.nu/bin7
  Replies (9) Good night (1845) Bad night (5274)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter

  (310): View more from California

  your less of a man for seeing that

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  (201): know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter (310): your less of a man for seeing that http://tfl.nu/root
  Replies (13) Good night (904) Bad night (3535)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

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  (519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk
  Replies (12) Good night (6687) Bad night (1966)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.

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  (479): By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo. http://tfl.nu/nmdz
  Replies (9) Good night (2231) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.

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  (734): It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kgmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4846) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.

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  (760): He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative. http://tfl.nu/28jo
  Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.

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  (612): So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision. http://tfl.nu/oggj
  Replies (5) Good night (391) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!

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  (416): What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time! http://tfl.nu/7efc
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  My breasts were aching with rage.

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  (502): My breasts were aching with rage. http://tfl.nu/o5ig
  Replies (4) Good night (486) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.

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  (603): At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great. http://tfl.nu/qakx
  Replies (0) Good night (465) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol

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  (317): did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen? (1-317): All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol http://tfl.nu/15ix
  Replies (1) Good night (918) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  probably

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  (217): Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes? (309): probably http://tfl.nu/mhkm
  Replies (2) Good night (272) Bad night (169)

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