She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
