nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
