So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
