My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sober January is a disaster.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
