forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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