i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You ruined the universe
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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