'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They have beer where we have blood.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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