He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
