how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
