I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
