You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
