everyone is single if you try hard enough
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
