So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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