wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize