I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
