So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
