You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
