I wish I could punch you in the face.
Please, let me fuck your mom
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
