is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
