just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
