He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
