Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
