New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
