you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
