i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize