can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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