I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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