The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize