Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Someone signed my nipple.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
