The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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