Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
