it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we're making bets on your personal life
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
