why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
