The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
