Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
