I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
