Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
