My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
