matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
