Michael Bay diarrhea
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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