How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
