Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
