she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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