I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
