I puked a lego.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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