The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to calm my uterus...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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