i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
