There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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