addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
