don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
