he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize