Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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