im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
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i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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