the condom got lost in my hair
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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