The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
