So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't notice because vodka
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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